Hey hey, another update

While most people figure my lack of updating seems to be in direct relation to the fact I am off getting drunk, which in most cases it is, this round of non updating goodness was due to another side project of mine.

As previously mentioned all originality is gone out of the world of music and movies. However todays usless rant is about music. The downfall of modern music is directly related to people like Lou Perlman of Backstreet Boys 98 degrees and N'SYNC fame. He is not the only one however there is P-Diddy and his making the band bullshit and that limey prick Simon Cowell with American Idol. Now here is the question.. what do all these un-original fucks have in common? They are all making millions of an idea that came about in 1965, with a small group called The Monkees.

Now many of the youngsters will have no idea who The Monkees are, ask Mom and Dad cause I am not teaching you this. They were a group that was created for a TV show and eventually forced into the "music" business due to the number of hit songs the show created. So yes Davy Jones, Micky Dolenz, Peter Tork and Mike Nesmith I blame you for the downfall of todays music, however I do still love you.

Now I have spent much time bitching and moaning about this problem, I finally desided to say fuck it and create my own mega-group for the quick score so I can finally fulfill my dream of owning an RV and going from town to town drinking the local beer and doing coke off hooker's asses. However to make my dream come true, I needed a plan, a plan that none of those fucks I mentioned before have thought of. Finally after a 3 day drunken bender, see I said I was still drinking, I had finally figured it out... a mother fucking modern day version of The Village People.

I realized the old version of The Village People wouldnt fly today however. Main reason there was a cop involved. The group I am targeting hates the mother fucking police. Doesnt matter if its analy raping someone with a knightstick, harrasing someone, or firing 5082 rounds at someone (and only hitting them twice), this generation has a general distaste for the cops. So this means I need to change things up a bit. Then it came to me, look how much that retard William Hung made, I need a group of retarded geeks to make me my millions.

After trolling the interweb for what kind of people could make me my money while moderizing The Village People, I realized my only hope was the people I hated the most... the cosplay dipshits. So I hit the road with masive ammounts of alcohol and drugs to find my new "super-group", aka the people willing to dress like retards for free.

While I wanted to keep the group member to a minimum, to keep my profits high, In order to get the right feel, and get the gay and geek community behind it, the group ended up larger then planned, but since they still dress like retards for free we are all set.

Now here is my band....

First we have the giant seaman people from Gorax on backup vocals



As usual we have the coolest mother fucker in the band on bass..



Now we have our backup dancers.. while they may look like complete bulldikes.. they sure can shake the fancy dresses



As for the guitar player we needed an old staple to give credibility.. thats right we went with Domo-Kun



And nothing gets the gay crowd into it like, someone that is obviously gay..so how can you go wrong with 2 men in spandex with stuffed spedos



Last but not least we needed the hot girl to get the loins flowing on the teenage boys, no im not a preist so dont worry about that vigilanty hunter,
we bring you hot bitch that brings nothing to the band other then stand there..



So there we have it folks, the next greatest band in the world, all put together by my drunken stupor and the urge to do coke off a hookers ass in every state. So here is to hope!!!!!!!

Netlingo.com, making the population even more retarded, one visitor at a time. I was reading this article on how some Douche McFagbag says he uses l33t speak like LOL and TTYL. Now in my days this was call AOL speak, due to the fact a majority of people would take 5 hours to simply type out Talk to you later. L33t speak was however a bit more similar to this y0u b1g g33kS r teh g33kY sux0rs! and O|V|G |-|4xx0|2. As you can see the l33t speak was generally much more of a pain in the ass to type out then regular words let alone the shitty LOL abbreviations. I am pretty sure Netlingo has just gone through an made up a shitload of terms to frighten parents and take the general population to a new level of lazy. Here is just a few of their fine new examples of things that, in my 12 years on the Internet/BBS's have never heard of.

First we have a few from their "Teach yourself pedo speak in 24 hours" list

• NIFOC = Nude In Front Of Computer
• GYPO = Get Your Pants Off
• TDTM = Talk Dirty To Me,
• BOHICA = Bend Over Here It Comes Again

Now we have there list of just plain asinine abbreviations that no one will ever use

• BTDTGTS = Been There, Done That, Got The T-shirt
• @TEOTD = At The End Of The Day
• ABITHIWTIDB = A bird In The Hand Is Worth Two In The Bush
• AFAHMASP = A Fool And His Money Are Soon Parted

Now that this site is making it all over the news with these stories about sexual predators, parents are going to read this and figure its OK to abbreviate everything you are trying to say into just the first letters of each word. I guess the assumption is that Optimus Prime will translate it into normal speak for them once it hits the other "TV screen". Hate to burst your bubble folks but, contrary to popular beliefs, after beating the Decepticons the Autobots did not form to create the Internet, therefore Optimus Prime, Sideswipe nor Bumblebee will actually translate your message to the other person. So learn to type correctly or don't do it at all.

I always assumed people used these kind of shitty abbreviations just to friends, but oh boy was I wrong. I have received emails from customers containing all sorts of this crap. Here is a word of advice to the world, if your job title contains any of the following words you should not write your emails in the same manner as your 12 year old daughter.

• President
• Cheif
• Director
• Manager

Seriously using the new hip terms in your emails to vendors isn't going to get you the "OMG so L33t, lets give him teh discountz" response you are expecting and it will be more along the lines of "Bob get the catalog where the prices are doubled, this guy is a complete jerk off we can easily rake him over the coals on this pricing".

So it appears time for my newest acronym, i styled it after the netlingo method TNFMTIAESP - Thanks Netlingo for making the Internet and even shittier place

Well that time of year is here again, its mother fucking St Patricks Day. Since it fell on a Thursday this year, it mean that lasts all weekend, since Thursday begins the drinking weekend. So instead of a poor attempt at a funny story about how a leprechaun stole my jock strap or something like that, I have compiled a list of some Irish type drinks for everyone to enjoy.

Everybody's Irish Cocktail

• 1 oz. Irish whiskey
• 4 oz. Chartreuse, green
• 4 dashes green creme de menthe

Stir ingredients with shaved or crushed ice. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a green olive.

Godiva Irish Freeze

• 1 1/4 oz. Godiva Liqueur
• 4 oz. Irish cream liqueur

Combine over crushed ice in a snifter. Stir

Irish Angel

• 3/4 oz. Irish whiskey
• 1/4 oz. light creme de cacao
• 1/4 oz. white creme de menthe
• 1 1/2 oz. heavy cream

Shake well with crushed ice. Strain into chilled cocktail glass or serve on the rocks.

Irish Cooler

• 1 1/4 oz. Irish whiskey
• 6 oz. club soda

Pour whiskey into a highball glass over ice cubes. Top with soda and stir. Garnish with a lemon peel spiral

Irish Delight

• 1 1/4 oz. Irish whiskey
• 1 1/2 oz. heavy cream

Combine in an ice cube-filled old-fashioned glass. Stir.

Irish Eyes

• 1 oz. Irish whiskey
• 1/4 oz. green creme de menthe
• 2 oz. heavy cream

Shake well with crushed ice. Strain into chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with maraschino cherry.

Of course there are more but its time to go to the bar and do some Irish Car Bombs, so deal with that list for a while. Have a good time and fun adventures distroying your liver.

Yea thats right I was a fugitive of justice. This morning I was woken up nice an early while trying to recover from a 2 week Absinthe bender. Well to my surprise it was the man trying to take me in. Apparently I had a warrant out for my arrest for the last 3 months and a suspended drivers license. Well I sure was glad they do stuff like send you a letter to inform you of this, oh wait they didn't. So apparently if I was pulled over for anything in the last 3 months I could have had my car impounded, arrested and lost my license. For this I give a big FUCK YOU to the State Troopers. I know people are gonna say, but Eric you slobbering alcoholic, is your damn fault you didn't pay it the first time. Well see this is where the fun part comes in, apparently it was a parking ticket, but I never knew I had it cause it wasn't on my car when I got out there.


So lack of ticket means I have no idea that I have it. Well lack of ticket and lack of letters in the mail brings us back to the constable banging on my door this morning. So once again FUCK YOU STATE TROOPERS and Department of Transportation.

Now on to some more interesting, the 2 weeks of Absinthe Haze. I found a place out of Canada that imports 100% real Absinthe. Well needless to say I ordered up a couple of bottles and have been going to town on that every night after work. Its been a damn good time. So good that I haven't been able to write up a proper "trip report" but it is now in the works. I just wanted to let everyone know I was looking out for you and hooked up an official We Are Drunks special with them. Through this link Absinthe You are able to take advantage of the special. It is 1 bottle of Absinthe and one Absinthe spoon for $90, a savings of almost $20 bucks, so head on over and check it out.

For you that don't know what Absinthe is, I'll give you a run down. Absinthe highly toxic liqueur, 140 to 160 proof, illegal in most countries, flavored with wormwood and other herbs. Effects include those customary with alcohol, plus a disorienting, floating, dream-like quality from the combination of wormwood and herbs. Now you all see the illegal in there and wonder, will I get in trouble for this cause its obvious you can't find it in most countries including the states. Well in the good ole US of A, Absinthe is only illegal to sell, it in not illegal to buy, posses or consume. Since you are buying it and not selling it, you are free and clear and ready to sample this wonderful liquid.

Now that superbowl is over and no fun events this year like the infamous Janet Jackson nipple slip of last year, but we did get a smokeing hot chick in the Go Daddy Commercial. Well after a bit of research I was able to figure out who Ms. Nikki Cappelli actually was. It seems that Ms. Nikki Cappelli is actually WWE Diva Candice Candice Michelle Beckman from Milwaukee, WI. So now I had a starting point. Next step in the research I was able to find the pictures you see below. After a little more digging I was able to find out that before Candice became a WWE diva, she was a Playboy Playmate So you can most likely find her pics over at Playboy Plus So check it out, and even if she isnt there, you can always find all the other hot ass chicks that graced the pages of Playboy And know all you have been waiting for pictures of Candice AKA Ms. Nikki Cappelli.

Nikki Cappelli   Nikki Cappelli   Nikki Cappelli   Nikki Cappelli